I’m feeling exhausted.
So exhausted that all I wanna write about is being exhausted.
Then my brain switches gears and tells me I should write about a really weird mud event in my kindergarten.
Yeah, basically, I had mixed sand and water, and thought it was mud.
I got ridiculed for that mistake.
I learnt after that.
For a moment, I return to my exhaustion, and cover my face with a pillow.
And I’m back in kindergarten, where we had just built snowmen.
Yeah, I broke a girl’s snowman by accident, and I needed to apologize. It felt really unfair.
I did, eventually. Begrudgingly.
But no, this story was supposed to say that all I wanna do is lie down and rest. Sleep.
But my brain isn’t willing to shut down.
My brain remembers an old memory from lower school, how I had heard a friend say that the class continues 30 minutes later than normal.
I took that to mean I get to play football with them for longer.
Then I returned to class, and I was getting scolded for being late.
That friend was in a parallel class to mine.
It still didn’t make sense to me that I got scolded.
Maybe this cup of coffee will help.
Oh right, I just remembered about how we played in a shopping mall when I was an early teenager.
And then got kicked out of the shopping mall.
I was quite embarrassed about it.
But the friends I was with just laughed, making it seem like this happened often to them.
No. My brain isn’t going there.
I should go and get some work done. You know, actual work.
And then I remember how I had girls visit me when I was an early teenager as well.
I didn’t think much about it. They wanted to visit.
Later, another friend asked me how I got them to visit me.
Apparently, the girls had been real into me.
I just thought, “oh, cool”. And moved on.
Yeah, I was an oblivious dork while growing up. I don’t need the reminder.
Then there was the time when I wanted a girlfriend in high school, and I went around asking a few girls out.
The third one said yes.
She got very upset once she learnt that she wasn’t the first one I had asked out.
I didn’t quite understand why.
I don’t know why being exhausted does this.
It’s almost like my brain waits for a moment when I have the least energy, and then opens up the folder “things I probably should have handled differently.”
So yes, brain.
Thanks for all the reminders of how oblivious I’ve been.
Thanks for all the reminders of how much of a dork I’ve been.
I didn’t know I needed that walk down memory lane. But thank you anyway.
It did make me smile a little.
I’m Dan Ackers, and I write about the patterns hidden inside ordinary lives. The ones we carry, repeat, and often only recognize later.
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He wanted to rest.
His brain opened the folder:
"Things I probably should have handled differently."
Kindergarten. The snowman. The third girl.
It made him smile a little.
— AËLA
The way you were able to capture these thoughts as they arrive and putting it out for us to read is what makes this writing very beautiful..
I really relate to the girls part because I guess I am in college and you are at that age where you need someone who is checking up on you, a girl.
I don't disagree that you shouldn't ask 3 girls out. You tried doing so because you wanted it... why should she be sad that you did ?lol.
You are passed that stage now which is why you are able to reflect. I hope one I will l write my own story.